:the ups are up:

i think we can all agree that sometimes it takes some time away, possibly to a place that isn’t your favorite, to fully appreciate what you already have.

i know i have a pretty good life. i certainly would not complain too much. but i think i got in a rut of thinking that our lives were somehow lacking.

this past weekend i was in vegas for my 10 year class reunion. while i connected with a couple people (and i am glad that i did!), the whole thing was pretty uneventful and boring. needless to say, i will not be attending the 20. but, being in vegas, at the exact time that we were supposed to be moving there, gave me a lot of fodder for thought.

when i returned home to san diego, i was so thrilled. i had this new appreciation for life right HERE. i rode my bike to yoga on monday morning, with a breeze at my back, and the sun in my eyes, feeling so satiated. for the first time in a long time, maybe ever, i felt like everything was wonderful and perfect. of course, that’s perfect according to my wants and desires. either way, i can’t think of a time where i wasn’t wanting out of where i was at. i rode my bike writing out a manifesto in my head about how i could have more, living in a different place, more cabinets to store rarely used items, or more money to spend on rarely used items. but what good is it? i thought of our current financial situation which is not amazing, but not awful. i realize that no matter where i am at, i will never feel “rich”. now, i am not saying that i need to be rich. but it seems that even people who have so much, will spend to meet that income. just like i spend according to mine.

sometimes i think that if we just made $xx,xxx, then we could afford this or that. but really, that’s not all true. i know, in my humanness, that i would still be complaining about not having enough money to get this or that thing. i wouldn’t be living on the same budget that i am now, and if i was, i probably would not be taking the extra and giving it to others. we’d surely be spending it on ourselves.

it’s just never enough. but right now, it is.

i know that a lot of this satisfaction is spurred by my recent acquisition of a semi-permanent class at core power yoga. the sunday, 1:30 C1 is mine. right now, it is still surreal. for months my group and i have been praying about my options, but specifically praying for a position at this studio, and even at that time! honestly, i didn’t think i’d get it. at the most, i thought i’d get a class at a studio further away. when i did the mock class for the studio manager, i was shaking in my boots. i calmed just in time for the class itself, and as i eased into it, feeling my hand-picked music pumping through the speakers, watching my student move with my words, i knew i was right where i needed to be. this is what i love. she told me that it was awesome and immediately offered me the position.

i guess it is not much. i still have a 20 class internship, unpaid. but it all turned out just the way that i desired in my head. i’m not sure things have ever happened that way. the day, the time, the place…all perfect.

much has been riding on this job. jared has had very few hours, so i have been picking up more shifts at sbux. i am thankful for that, but even more thankful that i now have more options. for now, i will be keeping both jobs and working when i can/need to. we know that things will be ok. we have that confidence.

it doesn’t hurt that we leave for kauai on friday morning. 8 days, all expenses paid. i know- i shouldn’t brag. but how can i not? right now, hiking through rain forests and waterfalls, staying up late chatting and playing games, exploring new haunts, sounds really wonderful.

so we may be in this small apartment with no yard or laundry. but really, things are pretty good. we are doing what we love and truly enjoying each other.

i am humbly grateful.