:good to be home:

i just finished watching Atonement.

i’ve recently read the novel, and was finally able to compare. thankfully, the movie was actually quite true to the book.
but it only made the uneasiness of the story and its tone that much more solidified.

i came away from the book feeling lost in a sea of emotions, most of them morose, and have come away from the movie with a visual representation to perfectly match.

i had to turn on baseball in an attempt to distract myself from the uncertainty and uneasiness of reality.

i returned from a short, but lovely trip to riverside this morning. “lovely” and “riverside” are probably more likened to an oxymoron than favorable counterparts, but it was lovely.

my new friends, the cobalt season, were playing a house show at my old friends’ house, jenn and damien. chloe and i spent yesterday afternoon chatting with everyone, chloe partaking in harmless toddler flirtation with little paxton. i have long wanted to meet this family of ryan, holly and paxton. i have been following paxton’s blog since his birth, just 3 weeks after chloe’s. in fact, i got the idea to start chloe’s blog from them. i didn’t know them, save the mutual friendship we shared with the o’farrell’s, but i always felt like we had some sort of affinity. when i was finally able to personally speak with them, especially holly, i really felt like i had come into family. they were transparent, warm and honest. i guess i needed that.

upon leaving this morning, i thought about how much i still long for these kindred friendships. i have them, that’s the good news. but they are all so far away, save the friendship of my husband. but it’s not just anyone, it’s females. the older i get, the more i hear other women talk about how difficult it is to cultivate other female friendships that go beyond the obligatory child chatter. it seems to be exponentially more difficult when your values and ideals are so different from the mainstream. or maybe, and i realized this last night, it’s simply difficult to find other people that have AND pursue ideals with conviction.

when jared and i were dating, we talked much about Jesus and what He is REALLY all about. i remember settling on the same defense every time the conversation happened: Jesus was/is an idealist, and that’s why He was so radical. but it’s not that Jesus was one, but He paved the way for all of us after Him to continue that legacy. He believed in love, a love that we have a hard time even beginning to understand.

there is comfort in knowing that there are others struggling on this path of idealism. these kindred spirits that i know, and the new ones i have met, remain in my heart with every step.
so thank you to the sharp family and to the o’farrell family, for keeping me accountable to the ideals i hold to.

i am very happy to be back home. i love my husband and it’s horrible sleeping so far away from him.